That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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