I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize