there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize