I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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