he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize