Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize