i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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