I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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