well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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