Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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