A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize