fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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