Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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