it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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