I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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