where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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