I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize