Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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