Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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