There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize