I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I understand Curling. That high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize