i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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