for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize