Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize