His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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