Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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