My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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