How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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