Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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