The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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How external is "for external use only"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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