he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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