He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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