How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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