Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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