you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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