in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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