dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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