Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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