I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
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Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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