I wish I could punch you in the face.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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