dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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