There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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