based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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