I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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