I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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