Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize