My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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