Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize