Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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