I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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